apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
