Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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