I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
