You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
