just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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