so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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