I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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