All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
