Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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