I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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