I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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