So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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