i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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