You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize