I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
