Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
