Me. At least after what I've been through.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
