Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
