I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
