R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
