I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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