I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
