Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
