While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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