listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
