sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
