You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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