I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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