i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
