Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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