i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
