So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
