Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
