I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
