The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
