i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
