My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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