I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
