i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize