So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
