Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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