im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
