Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
