I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
