If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
