I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
