Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
