They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
