Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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