There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
