did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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