well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
