why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She's the barista slut.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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