R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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