if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
