I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
