is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
