So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
