I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Never underestimate the power of titties
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
