A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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