do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So squirting runs in the family.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
