Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
