How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
