"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
