Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize