why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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